I was a huge Lenny Dysktra fan growing up in Jersey. Huge. Tried to bat like him: in that long, stretched, left-handed stance, even though I was right-handed. Dressed up like him for Halloween, with a cheek full of Big League Chew. Checked his awful book "Nails" out of the library several times, each time hoping my parents wouldn't realize it had more obscenities than verbs; seriously, the thing read like a season of baseball recalled by a surfer-dude version of Andrew Dice Clay. I was even late to school one morning because I thought Dykstra was going to be interviewed on "Imus in the Morning," only to discover, to my dismay, that it was a lame bit with a Lenny impersonator.

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(Meanwhile, somewhere inside Greg Wyshynski's noggin...)NY METS FAN: You know, I've been spending time thinking about my two most favorite subjects recently: How the Mets can win the World Series, and how Yankees fans can continue to be shoved down the path of redoubtable sorrow and immense anguish that has presented itself as their dynasty crumbles brick by brick. And I keep coming back to the same two words: "Alex" and "Rodriguez."RATIONAL HUMAN BEING: Oh dear God. I can see this is one of those conversations...like the time you swore you saw a holy visage of Keith Hernandez in a Harvest Cheddar SunChip and felt it was a sign that the Mets would beat the Cardinals in the NLCS.

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